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Am I Right, or Just Stupidly Stubborn

Sunday, October 4, 2009 § 1

Intention: Sharing my feeling right now and as the answer to some people who is askin me some question dat I need a long answer to that. Not mentioning ur name, so don't worry. Only related person will know who you are and on some level, I believe they need to know what's really goin on. Don't hate me after u read this. I'll never hate you.

Kadang, aku sangat degil dan keras kepala. Kadang aku x tau, sama ada aku berada pada jalan yang betol, atau just sekadar degil dan bodoh.

To be honest, I miss hanging out with you, but why it is so hard. Kalau dah susah sangat macam ni, better kita jangan selalu berjumpa dan jangan selalu kuar bersama. Maybe kuar dengan aku akan menjejaskan impian kau kat sini, aku tak tahu dan aku takkan tahu. Aku pernah kata, sekali dua kali ajakan aku direjek, it's okey. Tapi kalau berkali-kali aku x tahan. True story, aku pernah ban Helen dari list orang yang aku akan ajak kuar sebab dia selalu rejek aku atas pelbagai alasan until dis sem (Lane, if u read this, I already told u this story and u seem okey with it, n now we hang out together again, so hanya sekadar flash back).

Aku juga pernah kata, blew up my plan is okey, as long as u have a rational excuse. Tp blew up and blew up me, it's something to be frown upon. Kadang reason yang dibagi pun ridiculous. Watching event kat USM da macam tradition for me. Kita support event orang, then orang akan support projek kita, lebih2 lagi kalau yang incaj tu adalah kawan2 kita atau member kita terlibat sebagai participant. Maybe susah untuk luangkan masa untuk menyokong kawan2 sendiri, ya la kan, dari terkinja2 kat dewan budaya lebih baik study kan. Ilmu pun masuk. Tp bila kita susah atau sedih, cuba fikirkan siapa yang sanggup temankan kita sampai pagi.

Maybe menyusahkan kot kuar dengan aku sebab aku xda transport, balik tgh malam kena jalan kaki, tp sepanjang 3 tahun di USM, berjalan kaki pada waktu malam merupakan sesuatu yang menenangkan lebih2 lagi kalau bersama kawan dan besties kita. Flashback, sewaktu preparation Citrawarna Tekun, aku sangat marah dengan Mus (if he still remember) sebab dia dah janji nak tolong buat props, tapi last2 dia pegi enjoy. Mus tau aku mad dengan dia, dan tau apa yang dia buat, he apologizes to me and we walking inside campus 1 am in the morning (if I'm not mistaken).

Seriously, aku sangat suka hanging out wif you. Dalam banyak2 kawan lelaki yang aku ada, kau antara yang paling aku suka hanging out together. Maybe the reason is simple, sebab kita jarang kuar bersama, so everytime goin out with u is like the 1st time, so that's why rasa enjoy ja kan.

In USM, I already loss Mus as my besties as he transfer to USMKK. I loss Flo during MPD time and now lab n 'other' commitment time, and I'm so not ready to loss you. Before I start sharing my story and telling u my dark secret, it is best for me to stay away from u for a while. It's not because I hate you, but it's something I have to do.

Advice and Meeting session has to stop. Banyak lagi abang2 dan kakak kau yang concern tentang kau. Diorang lebih hebat membagi advice compare to me. I'll hang out with u as long as it is making sense, but now, it is not makin sense anymore. Gotta back to the time when we just barely know each other. It's a much simpler time. Hoping you to be my besties apparently not a wise decision. Save ur story and ur probs to someone yang betol2 dapat memahami what it takes to be ur besties.

Maybe aku kena lupakan jap tentang besties as it's not makin sense. Please forgive me. Once again, never will I hate you, and this is one way for me to support ur career path in USM. To be less with me, makin u be more available to any agenda in USM. Don't hate me, bcoz it will kill me knowing u are hating me. Good Luck in searching what u wanna be.

So many things I wanna write, tp sesetengah better to be kept as a secret between us. Later if u wanna talk bout this thing, I'm willing to listen. Man, how I'm gonna miss listening ur complains, what's goin on in ur life and everything. This is the best for both of us. Once again Good Luck in ur life.

 

p/s: another tips to realize ur feeling. If u read this post and u think this is not a big deal, then me staying away from u is the right decision. But if u think this is a big deal, then u prove me wrong, we are meant to be besties, it's just me so stubborn don't wanna make it work. Be honest with ur answer.

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